Big Bother (no, not a typo)
It’s that time again. Big Brother begins tonight.
I haven’t read/seen anything for days so have missed whatever hype there is going on about it (is there any?). The only thing I did see was a preview of the house on the BBC site the other day. But I didn’t look in detail.
The question is… who will be the housemates this year? I mean in the sense of will they choose the same old stereotypes that they choose pretty much every year or will they shock us and be original. Is it actually possible for BB producers to do anything creatively original without it falling apart at the seams?
The usual suspects.
Predictions.
I will look a complete idiot if I get most of these wrong.
A gay man. I think we would all agree that’s a certain. Isn't it odd how many gay men and women are selected as their numbers on Big brother bear no resemblance to the general population.
A lesbian, and a couple of other young... ladies (yes I was going to say something else) who claim to have explored that area of their sexuality but you know they haven’t really and that it’s nothing more than a flimsy ploy to make viewers think they’re "cooler" than they actually are.
A black male. Not just a black male but a *cool black dude* no less who can conjure up a spontaneous rap when put on the spot.
A black female
An asian female
Now… on this next one I think I’ll go with a "wacky scouser". BB top bods may bring in a a scouser at the last minute because Liverpool won the champions league two days ago. So it’ll have to be a Liverpool fan… in a Liverpool shirt along with a scarf around his neck presumably. A housemate (if not the scouser) will certainly wear a liverpool shirt for most of their time in there. If there is a scouser I’m sure we’ll be in for weeks of very entertaining telly. Scousers are born entertainers, everybody knows that. Jimmy Tarbuck… do I need to say anymore?
If there isn’t a scouser involved this year there will almost certainly be a "Cheeky Geordie" character instead. If there's both then BB will get its highest viewing figures in its 6 year history.
We mustn't forget the compulsory fat person. Who was it last year? Was it Gos or was that the year before?
The`fat person will eat all the house rations and then denies all knowledge of doing so. .I confidently predict this year there will be a fat woman. But will she be white or black? I think white this time as we had that fat Allison character a couple of years ago.
The vain bodybuilder. He’ll make an impressive piece of weight training equipment out of a drinking straw and two fairy liquid bottles.
The mirror man. The one who spends half of his time in the house looking in the mirrors at his own reflection (and there are a few of them to look into) This could also be the bodybuilder.
The transsexual. I can’t believe Big Brother producers would be this predictable as one of them won the thing last year. There will be no transexual in BB6.
Oh.. what have I forgotten.
The "boy-band member looking male" to appeal to the army of 10-13 year old BB viewers.
The 21 year old sexy female "The only good looking woman in the house.. the rest are all ugly" which I’ll no doubt read in the BB newsgroups shortly after the first programme ends)
The older male. You know he has no chance.. gone by the end of week two.
The older female. She has no chance of winning either and will most likely fall out with the loudest female in the house and she'll be seen as being the mother of the household. She’ll spend much of her time in the kitchen and cleaning up the others’ mess.. until they vote her out because she doesn’t fit in.
The grey man/woman. Certainly there will be one or two who will be the most notably quiet of the 13.. especially in the early stages. They’ll stand back from the group as the realistion they’re in the Big Brother house and being watched all the time sinks in.
The Nutter. Theres a hig risk of this being either the Geordie or the Scouser.. whoever is the chosen one. Anyone got a high powered rifle handy?
I read something on the BBC preview about the 13th housemate. Appareantly they’re going to be very unlucky if they’re the 13th. Perhaps they’ll be put into a 6x6 feet cage for the first task and the other 12 have to throw spears at him. That would make good tv. The 13th housemate will certainly be male. Trust me on this. BB aren’t going to pick the 13th name out of the hat to make their choice.
The moronic idiot who keeps sticking her face in the camera and shouting every word at us. Oh wait… sorry that’s Davina
The token white heterosexual non-northern character male. He might speak with a posher accent than most (not that that is hard) and that will be the death of him. It’s quite amazing when you analyse the housemates over the years how biased against males who live in the south of England. If you live in the south and aren’t gay or black and want to get into BB you have no chance.
Two scots… one male one female.
A welsh male.
An Irish female.
But probably not all.
A big breasted woman or six. This will be the 20 year old blonde.
Then there's..
The wannabe pop star who will delight us with constant singing and other housemates will say behind her back. "God I wish she’d shut her big gob" before telling her the same to her face at a later date. Big row ensues.
Someone who has bits of metal stuck through this and that part of his/her body. They’ll be a nipple or few exposed and maybe a clitoris will be mentioned too as the group talk about what they have pierced or what they have had pierced.. Don’t forget to buy the Big Brother DVD after the series which shows what they couldn’t show on tv.
Someone who bears a striking resemblance to Jade or Emma (or both)
What will happen in the coming weeks?
Someone will pee on the toilet seat. Big row ensues. Fingers pointed. Accusations denied.
At the time of writing its twenty minutes to nine. How am I going to finish this in time!
Lots of bitching.
A female housemate will be extremely unpopular with everybody watching at home for no apparent reason that I can see. I will be the lone person who thinks she is themost likeable person in the house.
Lots of "effing" etc and lots of silence on the live feed and tweeting birds and trains going by whilst the inconsiderate housemates disrupt our listening in to some juicy gossip.
Talking of gossip.
One female housemate will claim to have had sex with a famous celebrity. (my money is on a footballer)
Another housemate will have a claim to fame of some sort.
Someone from outside will throw a tennis ball neatly disguised as a hand grenade into the garden. Havoc ensues as housemates in the immediate vicinity dive for cover.
It’s almost nine. That’ll do for now.
I haven’t read/seen anything for days so have missed whatever hype there is going on about it (is there any?). The only thing I did see was a preview of the house on the BBC site the other day. But I didn’t look in detail.
The question is… who will be the housemates this year? I mean in the sense of will they choose the same old stereotypes that they choose pretty much every year or will they shock us and be original. Is it actually possible for BB producers to do anything creatively original without it falling apart at the seams?
The usual suspects.
Predictions.
I will look a complete idiot if I get most of these wrong.
A gay man. I think we would all agree that’s a certain. Isn't it odd how many gay men and women are selected as their numbers on Big brother bear no resemblance to the general population.
A lesbian, and a couple of other young... ladies (yes I was going to say something else) who claim to have explored that area of their sexuality but you know they haven’t really and that it’s nothing more than a flimsy ploy to make viewers think they’re "cooler" than they actually are.
A black male. Not just a black male but a *cool black dude* no less who can conjure up a spontaneous rap when put on the spot.
A black female
An asian female
Now… on this next one I think I’ll go with a "wacky scouser". BB top bods may bring in a a scouser at the last minute because Liverpool won the champions league two days ago. So it’ll have to be a Liverpool fan… in a Liverpool shirt along with a scarf around his neck presumably. A housemate (if not the scouser) will certainly wear a liverpool shirt for most of their time in there. If there is a scouser I’m sure we’ll be in for weeks of very entertaining telly. Scousers are born entertainers, everybody knows that. Jimmy Tarbuck… do I need to say anymore?
If there isn’t a scouser involved this year there will almost certainly be a "Cheeky Geordie" character instead. If there's both then BB will get its highest viewing figures in its 6 year history.
We mustn't forget the compulsory fat person. Who was it last year? Was it Gos or was that the year before?
The`fat person will eat all the house rations and then denies all knowledge of doing so. .I confidently predict this year there will be a fat woman. But will she be white or black? I think white this time as we had that fat Allison character a couple of years ago.
The vain bodybuilder. He’ll make an impressive piece of weight training equipment out of a drinking straw and two fairy liquid bottles.
The mirror man. The one who spends half of his time in the house looking in the mirrors at his own reflection (and there are a few of them to look into) This could also be the bodybuilder.
The transsexual. I can’t believe Big Brother producers would be this predictable as one of them won the thing last year. There will be no transexual in BB6.
Oh.. what have I forgotten.
The "boy-band member looking male" to appeal to the army of 10-13 year old BB viewers.
The 21 year old sexy female "The only good looking woman in the house.. the rest are all ugly" which I’ll no doubt read in the BB newsgroups shortly after the first programme ends)
The older male. You know he has no chance.. gone by the end of week two.
The older female. She has no chance of winning either and will most likely fall out with the loudest female in the house and she'll be seen as being the mother of the household. She’ll spend much of her time in the kitchen and cleaning up the others’ mess.. until they vote her out because she doesn’t fit in.
The grey man/woman. Certainly there will be one or two who will be the most notably quiet of the 13.. especially in the early stages. They’ll stand back from the group as the realistion they’re in the Big Brother house and being watched all the time sinks in.
The Nutter. Theres a hig risk of this being either the Geordie or the Scouser.. whoever is the chosen one. Anyone got a high powered rifle handy?
I read something on the BBC preview about the 13th housemate. Appareantly they’re going to be very unlucky if they’re the 13th. Perhaps they’ll be put into a 6x6 feet cage for the first task and the other 12 have to throw spears at him. That would make good tv. The 13th housemate will certainly be male. Trust me on this. BB aren’t going to pick the 13th name out of the hat to make their choice.
The moronic idiot who keeps sticking her face in the camera and shouting every word at us. Oh wait… sorry that’s Davina
The token white heterosexual non-northern character male. He might speak with a posher accent than most (not that that is hard) and that will be the death of him. It’s quite amazing when you analyse the housemates over the years how biased against males who live in the south of England. If you live in the south and aren’t gay or black and want to get into BB you have no chance.
Two scots… one male one female.
A welsh male.
An Irish female.
But probably not all.
A big breasted woman or six. This will be the 20 year old blonde.
Then there's..
The wannabe pop star who will delight us with constant singing and other housemates will say behind her back. "God I wish she’d shut her big gob" before telling her the same to her face at a later date. Big row ensues.
Someone who has bits of metal stuck through this and that part of his/her body. They’ll be a nipple or few exposed and maybe a clitoris will be mentioned too as the group talk about what they have pierced or what they have had pierced.. Don’t forget to buy the Big Brother DVD after the series which shows what they couldn’t show on tv.
Someone who bears a striking resemblance to Jade or Emma (or both)
What will happen in the coming weeks?
Someone will pee on the toilet seat. Big row ensues. Fingers pointed. Accusations denied.
At the time of writing its twenty minutes to nine. How am I going to finish this in time!
Lots of bitching.
A female housemate will be extremely unpopular with everybody watching at home for no apparent reason that I can see. I will be the lone person who thinks she is themost likeable person in the house.
Lots of "effing" etc and lots of silence on the live feed and tweeting birds and trains going by whilst the inconsiderate housemates disrupt our listening in to some juicy gossip.
Talking of gossip.
One female housemate will claim to have had sex with a famous celebrity. (my money is on a footballer)
Another housemate will have a claim to fame of some sort.
Someone from outside will throw a tennis ball neatly disguised as a hand grenade into the garden. Havoc ensues as housemates in the immediate vicinity dive for cover.
It’s almost nine. That’ll do for now.
posted by Nat at 20:57
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